Not Using His Noodle

First, there's this headline from the Associated Press: “Man Allegedly Attacks Girlfriend Over Macaroni.”

Now, if Macaroni were some Italian guy the girlfriend was having a fling with, you could understand this headline. But no, it seems our intrepid felon did indeed go after the old lady because she cooked him a pasta dinner. Banged her in the head with the pot she used to cook it, in fact. Left a bruise.

Might be an Atkins Deprivation freakout, you would think, but that's not the way the fuzz saw it. They saw intent to do bodily harm with kitchenware and charged him with second degree assault. Now he's in hot water. He can only hope the jail has room in its food budget for protein. The carbs are killing him…