Chicken Thief

Finally, there is a report from the News & Advance in Lynchburg, VA, detailing the arrest of a man for burglary. The kicker, the doofus raided the victim's fridge, ate some chicken he found there and washed it down with a bottle of OJ. The problem: he left his greasy fingerprints on the bottle, which the police easily traced.

The first rule of breaking and entering is, wear gloves. The second rule is, eat before you burgle. And the third rule — use a napkin!

This guy didn't follow any of those simple rules, so now he's facing six years of prison cuisine where being a slob entails fewer risks…